


Lock and Run

by Eshnoazot



Series: Avengers prompt ficathon [2]
Category: The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Gen, bike locks are evil, lock and runs are a thing btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-05
Updated: 2014-02-05
Packaged: 2018-01-11 06:35:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshnoazot/pseuds/Eshnoazot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Barton," Coulson asked calmly, "Sitrep: Why is Mr Stark bikelocked to a waterpipe?"</p><p>"It was a lock and run, sir," Clint’s mouth twisted into a grin, "Perp is female, about 6 years of age, wearing a Captain America onesie."</p><p>Coulson’s stare lasted several seconds before he sighed deeply, “Iron Man was compromised by a prepubescent child?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lock and Run

The sounds of Steve’s deep laughter was what drew Coulson into the hallway of the hospital. The oddly delighted expression that the Captains laughter caused, was only bested by the Cheshire cat grin that dominated his face when he noticed the glowering petulant Stark.

"This isn’t remotely funny," Tony flatly stated, before sending a glare that could have curdled milk towards the super-soldier, and the snickering archer, " _Steve_.”

"How does it feel to have  _America laughing at you, Stark?”_ Clint maintained just enough composure to announce before reverting to his snickers.

"I’m going to burn down your birdhouse- no, I’m going to raze it to the ground and  _salt the earth,_ " Tony hissed petulantly, "In fact I hate you both, I hate you both more than Pepper hates fiscal irresponsibility and strawberry farms."

"I bet this isn't even the kinkiest situation you've been in."

"Barton," Coulson asked calmly, "Sitrep: Why is Mr Stark bikelocked to a waterpipe?"

"It was a lock and run, sir," Clint’s mouth twisted into a grin, "Perp is female, about 6 years of age, wearing a Captain America onesie."

Coulson’s stare lasted several seconds before he sighed deeply, “Iron Man was compromised by a  _prepubescent child_?”

"She was wily. Claimed she wanted an autograph," Clint grinned, "Do we recruit that young?"

"I should have never agreed to do Iron Man charity visits to ankle biters; they’re all evil. I always knew that my goodwill and bleeding heart would be my downfall," Tony complained, glowering at the two, "Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?" 

"Can’t you disengage the suit?"

"Oh, what a fantastic idea that I  _never once considered_ ,” Tony’s eye twitched, “I can’t, by the way, the U-lock is placed through a vital folding area. It’s my tech, btw- and  _yes I understand the irony_. And before you have any other brilliant ideas, JARVIS has already announced that the pipe behind me is an active waterpipe which would knock out water for this entire wing. So,  _are you going to help before little Tommy wonders where the superhero entertainment is_?”

Coulson considered the billionaire for a minute, before shrugging off his jacket and pulling the cuffs of his shirt up to his elbows. Just when Tony relaxed, Coulson swung his jacket over Iron man’s shoulder.

“ _I am not a coat rack!-_ ”

"Barton, go and find a pen so I can break the lock," Coulson directed calmly, "Captain, keep Mr Stark company; I have a phone call to make to Director Fury."

Suddenly the hall was filled with Steve’s deep-belly laughter once more.


End file.
